An Insider's Look at Mormon Culture

I used to speculate about the first three things I would do when I got to be in charge of the church:  1) Throw out the organs—use peppy piano accompaniment to revitalize our dirge-like hymn singing.  2) Excommunicate the Curriculum Correlation Committee —for driving droves of life-long members from church by the endless repetition of “milk before meat” lessons.  3) Burn the synthetic lace tablecloths “decorating” tables in Relief Society rooms.

Obviously, I’m not going to get into a position of authority to enact my recommendations anytime soon. That’s why I was so captivated when my cousin, Thinker, decided to start his own church—The Church of the Laid-back Saints—with beginning and ending times within the same hour and tithing optional.

I have a few more suggestions for Thinker.

  • Dress code:  Neckties banned. Dresses optional for both genders—why should only women be allowed the privilege of cool, bare legs and thighs in the summertime?
  • Refreshments:  Juice and muffins, bagels or donuts served after Sacrament Meeting.
  • Optional Sunday activities: Children’s activity classes with a broader curriculum than folding arms and sitting quietly. In-depth scripture study groups for adults wanting to dive into deep study. Less studious adults can continue munching donuts and chatting, lead children’s activities, or go home.
  • Paid music directors:  Developing ward musical talent and appreciation will be much more successful with paid professionals in charge.

Thinker actually proposed replacing the water with wine for the sacrament, but that sounds like heresy to me.

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Comments on: "Church of the Laid-back Saints" (7)

  1. Wow! That’s a church even I could join!

  2. Add coffee to the mix of refreshments and I might be able to convince my Catholic in-laws to join the new church. 😉

  3. Two of Three said:

    I grew up in an Anglican church where “coffee hour” was as important as the mass. How I miss it! But church is so darn long that I don’t think we could convince anyone to stay for an additional hour, no matter how many kinds of donuts we served!

    • My answer is to substitute refreshments for the second hour of the block. A shorter Primary would retain Primary workers as well as benefit the kids. And do we really need 2 different hours of gospel instruction for adults?

  4. I have been known to leave during the second hour and go get myself refreshments! LOL

    • Our kids used to sneak over to Smiths for donuts during the 2nd hour–and I was dumb ebnough to let them have the car keys–“I just want to hold onto them. I’m not going any place.”

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