An Insider's Look at Mormon Culture

First Child

Our youngest son, Techie, and his wife, Techie II, are expecting their firstborn in two weeks. Techie II is at the waddling elephant stage of pregnancy and barely speaking to the Cause. They are opting for a home delivery—under water. Technie has inflated a wading pool bought for the occasion. I’m grateful my presence is neither expected nor welcomed.

A midwife and her assistant along with a dula and her assistant have been engaged for the occasion. With four women in charge, Techie will probably be banished from the house which is a good thing. Techie’s stint as a standup comic will not allow him to make helpful or even appropriate comments for the occasion.

The Techies decided against learning the baby’s gender before birth. We’re all praying for a girl since they plan to name a boy Genghis. Techie blames me for the name choice. When our first grandchild was gestating, I informed our daughter and son-in-law that it was the grandparents’ right to name the grandchildren, and referred to the baby as Hubris (I was very proud of that first grandchild) for nine months. I named our elder son’s first baby Costco since it was a successful project conceived in Seattle. Techie appreciated my odd sense of humor until his progeny was involved. He said he picked Genghis because I couldn’t come up with a weirder name. He’s right. I couldn’t.

The Techies also plan to home school their children which is probably a good thing. Can you imagine a teacher seeing the name Genghis on her class roster? It could start another teacher shortage.

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