An Insider's Look at Mormon Culture

When Egos Collide

Our sons are both Libertarians. I enjoy sharing their takes on politics and economics and they listen respectfully to my questions and differing opinions. (We raised them well.) But I have two relatives, Dooby and Mama Grizzly, with whom I try to avoid political topics—not because of their right-wing views, but because of their rudeness when I can’t agree with statements like: “Obama is not a natural-born citizen,” or “Global warming is a conspiracy perpetrated by the science community.”

I finally realized that Dooby isn’t actually speaking to me when he insults my intelligence if I question his sources of information. Dooby lives in a blue state where his conservative views are viciously attacked by his liberal neighbors. When he brings up politics with me, Dooby is trying to make the points he wishes he’d made with acquaintances who probably insulted him.

Since her retirement a few years ago, Mama Grizzly spends her free time listening to talk radio. Mama G. latches onto pundits’ opinions as tenaciously as a stray dog defends a bone. Armed with her favorite talk-show host’s sure knowledge of the source of our national evils (Democrats and big-spending socialists),MG seeks to share her wisdom and perceives any attempt to offer a differing opinion as a personal attack. Possibly MG is trying to replace her lost career identity with a new persona—political guru.

A few months ago, a 16-year-old home teacher visited and offended us by demanding to know why we seldom attend meetings. He offered his conviction that we need to improve our lives with a rigorous application of church attendance. (We think we’re fine the way we are). Because young Brother Fervent is only 16, we smiled politely, thanked him for coming, and hoped he wouldn’t be back. I recently learned that his active Mormon parents have split up. Now I understand Bro. Fervent’s fervor for preaching the gospel. He needed to clutch at a source of permanence in his life as he watched his family disintegrate.

I’m always glad on the occasions when I keep my ego in check (i.e. my mouth shut) while dealing with the defensive egos of others. A wise person said that nearly everyone we meet is dealing with all she can handle at any given time. Extending compassion to others is less stressful than defending our own egos.

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Comments on: "When Egos Collide" (8)

  1. Thank you for this. It’s yet another reason that, as a liberal in a very conservative state, I’ve decided to avoid discussions of politics. I only engage in the discussions if someone else brings it up AND if I’m sure (after a few probing questions) that they’re looking for a discussion, not a way to vent.

    Of course, the reasons I started with were less wanting to be more charitable towards others than wanting to keep my blood pressure in check. But if I’m all about finding higher ideals that allow me to continue current behavior 🙂

  2. This is a soothing balm for me, CC. Thank you.

    I’ve raged for years against my MG mother and Islamo-phobic and science conspiracy-obsessed brothers-in-law. In fact, I’ve been strongly at odds with all but one sister. It’s a horribly depressing way to live. The years are softening though and I’m taking in more of the gentle approach you’re advocating here.

    Cheers.

  3. Are you sure we’re not related? We have the same relatives!

    Wonderful last paragraph.

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