An Insider's Look at Mormon Culture

Posts tagged ‘Loss of faith’

You’re Not the Person I Married

We all have dirty little secrets we don’t share while dating. I certainly never informed George that I like to eat pie in bed. Nor did he confess he was so thrifty that he’d drain our car radiator every night rather than buy antifreeze.

And do we even want to see the real person behind the guy or girl who is going to make all our dreams come true? Try telling a man that his sexy girlfriend really won’t be a wife who is interested in having sex every night and more on weekends. Or try warning a woman that her fun-loving boyfriend may not transition into a husband willing to trade his skiing and workout time for a steady job that pays the mortgage.

Even if you marry your soul mate, no guarantee exists that you will grow together rather than apart. I know several women who married young, then returned to school as their children grew older. As these women grew and gained confidence, they were no longer the helpless girls their husbands had married—and they’re now divorced.

And how does a guy cope if his shapely bride balloons into a size 3X wife? It’s easy to say physical appearance shouldn’t affect the way we feel about a spouse, but, for most of us, it does.

In Mormon circles a spouse’s loss of belief in LDS doctrines can threaten a marriage. I have a young relative who has lost her conviction that Mormonism is the only true religion. She fears telling her husband who made great personal sacrifice for their family to obtain a temple sealing. The only choice she sees is to attend church with her family and keep quiet about her doubts—a lonely way to live.

A perceptive person has noticed that the Bible actually deals with the problem of finding out you’re not married to the person you thought you were. Jacob marries Leah believing he is marrying Rachel. While Jacob never loves Leah as completely as he does Rachel, he accepts his marriage to both.

But was it such a big deal for Jacob? After all, he could ditch Leah for Rachel whenever he chose. Modern American marriages (unless you’re FLDS) don’t allow that option. We have to deal with whichever personality pops up in a single spouse. And that’s probably a cinch compared to dealing with multiple personality facets in multiple spouses.

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